Work with Fiona

Your Future is yours to align, and it’s ok to ask for help. 

Have you ever woken up to realise that somehow your life is completely off track?

Have you somehow ended up worlds apart from where you thought your life would be right now?

Are you completely clear that something has to change but have no idea what or how to change it?

Aligned Future Coaching can help.

Find out more.

How do you judge your progress?

How do you judge your progress?

There’s a misconception with coaching that as soon as you engage a coach your life will start to get better. And luckily for many it does. But unfortunately for many the journey to better is through a long dark tunnel of worse.

Of course if you’re already at rock bottom, get a coach because the only way forward is up.

But what if your pain is internal? What if nobody knows you’re even afraid?

Th clients I work with in coaching are not the weak ones, they’re the strong ones. The ones that have kept everything inside for so long that nobody even knows they feel broken. And their carefully constructed surface self masks a deep unending fear of being found out.

True transformation can’t come when we take what you have and slap a fresh coat of positive paint over it; it comes from truly facing and healing the damage and crud covering our core.

So for many of my clients, happiness is the problem not the progress.

Progress comes when they admit they feel afraid and find the root cause of that fear.

It comes when they admit that they are hurt and sad and let go of the suppressed tears.

It comes when they face the hatred and the anger at the people who stole their innocent years.

It comes when they release the guilt, resentment and regret that they were the ones who let the pain continue.

For me the first sign of progress is when you do something that feels like the opposite. For the brave to be vulnerable, for the sad to express their anger and the angry to cry their tears.

Progress may be falling in love with a new hobby or falling out of love with an old one.

It is not a journey to be entered into lightly because if our outer world is created by our inner world, and it is, then when we transform and heal our inner world chances are everything in our outer world must change.

Change happens in an instant, it’s the fallout of the change that takes time to come to grips with.

It’s learning new skills, practising new behaviour and questioning everything you used to accept as true.

It’s not quitting the job, leaving the relationship, moving to a new place and hoping it will go away. It’s healing the voids that caused you to choose them and then deciding which things are still a match and choosing when and where to stay.

One of the hardest parts about progress, especially for the strong ones, is that so few people will ever know.

This entire journey that could take months or even years may not even be visible to the people in your life. Your greatest breakthrough may have been the day where you said no instead of yes or yes instead of no and nobody even noticed it was different.

But you did. Your coach will.

So honour your Own progress.

Nobody has your trauma or limitations, your beliefs or possibilities.

Don’t look sideways at what “they” are achieving – comparisons will feed the flaws.

Keep focused on who you are becoming, what you need to get there and an occasional glance at how far you’ve come.

And remember – if everything in your old life suddenly doesn’t seem to fit, good.

You’re making progress.

Business Essentials Program

Growing your Business is a skill and can and must be learned.

In business, coming up with a big idea is just the beginning and definitely not the hardest part.

The hardest part of building a business is one starting and two continuing to grow and move past the daily obstacles and challenges that come your way.

You’ve come this far on your journey, but what’s going to get you to the next level? Many business owners we have worked with have found the answer is not working harder.

BE Snapshot

Business Essentials online program allows you to learn the essential skills to launch and run a world-class business from the comfort of your own home, or beach or kids footy game.

We’ve left out the excess and kept only the essentials to take your business from hobby to happening less than 5 Days – then revisit classes as often as you like FOR LIFE to make sure it sticks.

Click here to find out more about How to build your Heart Based Business – from hobby to happening in 5 simple steps.

 

Relationship Essentials is here…

Relationship Essentials ThumbDid your last Valentine’s Day not quite go according to plan?

We all remember what it’s like to be in a new relationship. Those early days of feeling loved up and starry eyed.

When it was all romance and possibilities.

Anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows that the honeymoon phase wears off, life gets in the way and the person who used to be at the centre of your world becomes the stranger in the other room.

With 1 in 3 Marriages ending in divorce, and even higher numbers for long term relationships that never made it official, if you’ve had that moment of wondering how did things get so off track then Relationships Essentials is for you.

Click here to find out how Relationships Essentials can reignite the spark and bring your relationship back to its honeymoon phase potential.

Join Relationship Essentials using our special Valentines Day code and receive $20 off – enter REValentine at the checkout (valid this week only). 

File 14-2-18, 3 24 21 pm

Truth Hurts, Truth Heals

Have you ever held back a moment of honesty with someone because you were afraid it might hurt?

Afraid that the honest truth would hurt them, or they’d hurt you or a relationship would be damaged?

Only to later have the hurt and damage happen anyway?

More people are hurt from lies than from truth.

Not even just the big lies – those are easy to expose. It’s the little ones that are infinitely more dangerous.

The “I’m Fine’s” as someone’s world falls apart so nobody notices until it’s too late.

By the time they’re ready to admit something is not right, by the time other people start to notice, the surface facade is so far from what is really going on that to admit one truth is to open up a can of worms and expose often years and years of half truths and white lies that all seem too much to handle.

What started as just admitting they’re not ok has now become admitting that they’re not ok AND that they’ve been lying to their loved ones all this time about it, long beyond the time where it would’ve been an easy solution, embarrassing perhaps but solveable. To a point where the hole is so deep that there will be many casualties in climbing their way out.

In many cases people hold back their truth to protect the relationship but what relationship is it if you can’t be honest?

The people with the problem hold back the truth for fear of judgment, embarrassment, blame or shame. The people suspecting a problem hold back asking deeper questions for fear of hurting the other and instead find it easier to hope that the surface story is true.

But deep down the rot is festering.

There is a reason so many people say they never saw it coming when a friend commits suicide.

It’s because neither were brave enough to be honest about the signs.

There’s a reason why the suicide rate is so much higher amongst Men.

It’s because “real men don’t talk about their feelings” and the ego on both sides would rather be dead than admit they’re not perfect, they made a mistake, they have a problem they don’t know how to get out of.

Well congratulations Ego. In many cases that is exactly how it turns out.

But there are always signs.

There is always someone who didn’t believe the “I’m fine” but didn’t have the courage to be honest and delve deeper for fear of the resentment. For fear of losing the relationship. For fear of not being loved – the only true fear that exists.

News flash- we ALL fear not being loved. We ALL fear judgement because to be judged would mean to be cast out from the tribe and to be cast out from the tribe would have meant death by Sabre tooth tiger.

Our creature comforts may have evolved but our emotional brains have not.

If you truly love someone you have to trust that creating a safe space without judgement for the truth will be more important for the long run and show them there is a way back.

As the friend who picks up the warning signal, you have to make a call – is it preferable to risk losing a friendship and keeping them alive or keeping a fake friendship and standing at their funeral saying “I wish I’d said something?”

Avoiding the little truths helps no one. They just build up to become the big truths and those are usually way harder to fix.

As the person with the problem – face it. In most cases problems seem so insurmountable in our heads because the thinking that created the problem can’t notice the solution. It’s like not being able to see the wood for the trees!

But it is true when they say “a problem shared is a problem halved”. Not with everyone but when you share the problem with someone who cares about you and your happiness they can help you come up with options to find a way out. That doesn’t mean they have to or even should fix it for you, and it means sometimes copping a dose of “well that was dumb wasn’t it” and taking a hit to the ego.

But it does give you the opportunity to have some help to unravel the Christmas lights as it were.

Regardless of how big we let the problems get, there is still a way out. There are always options, no matter how painful, but the longer we avoid honesty the bigger the problem gets, the longer it takes to heal.

Most people see life either better than it is or worse than it is but very few face life as it is.

Most people live in the past – blaming or resenting what they can’t change, or in the future intending or hoping things will get better, rather than in the present, observing, understanding and changing current behaviour which is the only true power we have.

Intention only matters in the context of behaviour and behaviour only matters in the context of intention. How long should we let people with good intentions get away with bad behaviour? How long should we be blinded by acceptable behaviour as a distraction from bad intentions?

How long will you tolerate someone causing pain to others before you say something?

How long will you tolerate someone causing pain to themselves before you say something?

How long will you tolerate Being in pain before you say something?

Truth Hurts.

But Truth also Heals.

And it might not even be that life or death of a situation yet.

It could just be a relationship you’re unhappy in and don’t know how to let the other know.

It could be a Child you’re trying to protect but tolerating behaviour that is out of control.

Kids are designed to test boundaries, it is how they learn to understand who they are and how to be, but if we’re not honest with what is acceptable and what is not – how will they learn? And what hope do they have as adults? They will continue the behaviour until someone stops tolerating it – don’t let that be a jail warden or their future children or when they can’t hold down any job or relationship and end up all alone.

At what point do you say enough is enough? At what point do you say “I love you but your behaviour is unacceptable” even if it makes them cry? At what point do you say “no, we will not be tolerating this anymore” even if they get angry or hurt?

At what point does the risk of silence finally outweigh the risk of honesty?

When they hurt you? When they hurt themselves? When they hurt others?

What if the truth you could’ve said is something that would’ve prevented hurt later? What if the honest feedback about someone’s behaviour allowed them to change it before it caused serious damage to themselves and others?

What is your honesty threshold?

When you first notice it?

When it’s gone on too long?

Or when it’s really too late because they’re not around to hear the feedback?

The past is done, can’t change it.

But next time you’re presented a choice between protecting egos or honesty, think long and hard about the decision you’re about to make.

At the end of the day you have to live with them resenting your honesty or you regretting your silence. Which one will hurt you more?

Honesty with others starts with honesty with ourselves. Anything less than this will lead to an incongruent and unfulfilled life where we’ll always be afraid of being found out.

It leads to a void we try to fill with addictions and more lies because if we don’t like who we are how can we believe others will?

It is a neverending snowball until we draw the line in the sand and decide that the honest relationship with ourselves and possibility of that with others is worth more than anything else.

There are no Sabre tooth tigers threatening our day to day life anymore. We aren’t limited by location and needing to be accepted by people in our immediate vicinity. We are not a tree, we can move. We can risk false friendships for the sake of real ones.

We can risk saying what needs to be said if it means protecting others in the long run.

We can risk the resentment from others for the possibility that a grain of truth may take root and be the one thing that allows them to change something for the better.

We just have to face the truth. Even when it hurts.

Or not and accept the possibility resenting yourself for your silence.

Your choice.

What is Education?

The Super Computer worked out that the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything was 42,  but along the way it seems to have forgotten the question.

Once upon a time, we knew nothing and questioned everything.

This kept us alive, helped us to grow, helped us evolve our bodies and brains into the “advanced” human species we’ve become today. But have you noticed somewhere along the way we forgot to keep physically evolving?

We finally figured out how to communicate what we’d learned, and then somehow in learning how to teach, we forgot how to learn.


Rules were created to keep us safe and schools were created to teach us what we “knew”, and at the beginning of the evolution of our society structure this was especially important because teaching allowed us to expand our society and learn from our mistakes to keep us even safer.

Except we didn’t.

The more we learned and communicated with our heads, the less we listened and explored with our hearts.

The more educated we became the easier it has been to be mentally lazy.

The more mentally lazy we become the easier it is to be controlled.

The more we are controlled, the longer we stay asleep, the easier it is to fall prey to fear.

Fear is a necessary part of our evolution because it is the instinct that helps us discern good from bad, healthy from unhealthy, safe from unsafe.

If we do not know how to defend ourselves, then it makes sense to be afraid of the dark, but that does not mean the darkness is inherently dangerous or bad.

But what if that fear is being manipulated against us? What if we’ve been trained to believe that what is safe is unsafe, what is bad is good?

We need communication to be able to evolve, to stand on the shoulders of giants rather than reinventing the wheel.

But we need curiosity to keep evolution going.

We must remember And we must question.

We have every bit of information that’s ever been discovered at our fingertips and we can use it to wake us up or to push us back to sleep.

What we learn can make us more afraid or help us to choose more love.

It’s our choice to get educated on what we want, when we want, how we want.

Breadcrumb trails lead us to more of what we love, social networks bring our mutual weirdness together so we experience even more learning, even more safety.

We are in a time where everything and anything is possible for our species and what we do with it is entirely dependent on what we’re willing to ask, accept and embrace.

There was a time where he who controlled the education controlled the power.

But with the library of the world in the palm of our hands, they can no longer burn our books, and We control the power.

This is the next stage of evolution.

If The answer is 42, let the questions begin again now.

Our four planes of awareness 


There are four levels that we experience our existence through and therefore our decisions and our change. According to metaphysics there are actually a couple more, but these are the four that most of us can comprehend and therefore are useful to help us decipher our experiences in this world.

Spiritual is simply a belief that there is something out there bigger than us. You can call it god or source or the universe or some alien kid doing a school science project but there is a faith and knowing that we are part of some greater design than just this single existence .

Mental is all things logical, our beliefs, our formal and informal education and the language we use and things we tell ourselves about the problem we have and why it’s so unique to our perspective.

Emotional is the energetic states we experience, our values, our trauma our fight or flight response.

And physical is the manifested reality our physical bodies exist in. This is the bit where gravity is real and doors are solid no matter how much we believe we are particales of light vibrating at high speed.
Our physical bodies are weak, fragile. We cut, we break, we bleed.

We can strengthen them to a point with gym workouts and great nutrition , But when our emotions are engaged, they can make us superhuman. Just think of a mum lifting a car off her baby, or outrunning a bull to save your life.

Emotions can make us strong but they can also make us weak, emotional trauma is stored in our body as disease, kinesiology shows us that lies and negative emotions drop our strength, while truth makes us strong.

So logic allows us to combat that weakness, it builds shoes so we can walk on fire, it builds shelter so we can avoid the cold. It equally sets us free and sets us up to fail – have you ever wondered what would happen if the power went out? Or tried to walk barefoot on the first hot day or summer?

Our spirituality, faith, gives us strength to go on when we are physically broken, emotionally devastated, logically making no sense, our faith in a higher purpose allows us to find the most important of human conditions- hope that everything is happening for a reason and the stronger our belief that there is a reason, the more we’ll use logic to search for it, the more passion and determination will fill our emotional tank and we’ll push our bodies through untold pain.
All four areas are operating and influencing each other at all times which is why it is ludicrous to thing we can heal our life only focusing on one.

And yet So many therapies do.

We are not separate we are one.

We are not a symptom we are a system.

If you have a challenge then you have a gap or block in one or all of the four planes and it needs to be cleared so you can move forward.
Do you need to find faith? Start with the Law of Attraction

Do you need to learn more tools? Try The Coaching Institute or books

Do you need to process your emotions? Call us for 1:1 coaching

Do you need a physical adjustment? Start with your nutrition at fionaellis.myzija.com
It doesn’t necessarily matter where you start to make change as long as you start, but if you want a professional opinion and some help to narrow it down give us a call and we can help.

Letting Go 

The last few days of the year always makes me feel like cleaning.

There’s a sense of urgency to clear out the clutter, a feeling of letting go.

This year especially with 2016 (for those of us into numerology) is a 9 year, a year of finishing, the end of a cycle of our lives.

So today is the day to get it done. Let go of anything from the last 9 years that no longer serves you.
Donate clothes that don’t feel right – even if they still fit!

Donate books you don’t read, throw out broken things you won’t mend.

Clean out the tops of the cupboards and the bottoms of the beds.

Clean the clutter, the dust and the air – open as many windows as you can find, light your favourite scented candles and bring in some fresh flowers or plants to act as a filter.

And it’s time to let go emotionally too. Time to release old grudges, leave the baggage behind.

As we look back on the year that was, there are always conversations we wish we’d had, things that could have been said, resentments for truths never set straight or regret for gratitudes never shared.

You’ll know if you have them, they feel like a lump in your throat, a weight on your chest – things you don’t want to start a new year dragging with you.

But the moment has passed, the opportunity to say it in the moment has gone forever and it’s not always worth bringing up again.

So rather than picking up the phone and risking ruining your New Years Eve, instead grab a pen and paper and write an old fashioned letter to them.

This idea came from a friend of mine and it’s a great way to release the emotion without needing anyone else to come to the party.

Why not just an email? Well there are two major reasons for doing it the old fashioned way
1. It’s Much harder to accidentally send a hard copy letter in the heat of the moment that you’ll only regret later

2. The physical act of writing is for now a different, more cathartic release than typing because for most of us we were still brought up writing by hand so our emotional neuro connections are stronger.

The purpose of this letter is not necessarily to send it. Of course you might if it turns out “perfect”, and especially if it is a letter of gratitude, love, forgiveness and reconnection.

Write from the heart, and remember – if it is a letter of resentment, write it then hold on to it for minimum 1 week before you send it. Often what happens in the writing process is that we’re able to let it go emotionally and it doesn’t matter if we get a response. Getting it out of our system is usually enough to forgive and move on much, much lighter.

So long, Farewell 2016. Thank you for the memories.

Choose Love

Sometimes it is so much harder to be good in this world
Success takes longer
You’ll get kicked harder
You’ll be ridiculed, bullied, hurt, dragged down.
You’ll lose to liars, be beaten by cheats.
And somedays you’ll question why be good at all.
It would be so much easier to quit, find an easy way out, let somebody else fix it.
But the world doesn’t get better that way.
Evil isn’t stronger or better, it cheats because it’s NOT strong enough to take the long way.
Evil acts tough but the TRUTH is – Evil is afraid.
Its afraid of being found out. It’s afraid of what is different. It is afraid of being wrong.
And that is evils weakness because Fear never wins. Fear can’t because like darkness, it can always be penetrated by even the smallest flicker of light.
Of Goodness.
Of Hope.
Of Love.
Evil is a matter of perception and closed minds. Love takes curiousity
And courage.
It takes courage to respond with curiousity instead of judgement.
Ultimately, Love wins. Always. Because Love is not the opposite of fear and hate, it’s the decision that there is something so much more important.
We are.
Our Children’s Children are.
Humanity is.
Fear is universal, but so is love.
Fear is a survival instinct, Love is necessary for survival.
Fear shrinks, love expands.
So be aware but not afraid of Evil.
Its easy to react with ever increasing levels of evil in the name of good. It takes real strength to choose kindness in the face of angry. Love in the face of fear.
Both are a choice.
Use the anger at evil acts to decide enough is enough.
Use the sadness at evil acts to bring compassion.
Fear breeds more fear, love breeds more love.
Choose love.💞

Is it time to draw the line?

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Let’s face it, there are times when you just say that to not hurt their feelings when really you want to get out of the relationship tango with someone because they’re really starting to suck you dry.

You know the ones, the toxics, the dream stealers, the people that stab you in the back then apologise for it later.

Whether it’s family, work or a significant other, we’ve all hit a point when their behaviour gets so irritating and you just know that “if they would just change then everything would be ok because they’re the problem”.

It’s not me buddy, it’s YOU!

But…. well…what if it’s not? What if when you’re trying to spare their feelings you’re actually telling a grain of truth?

I mean let’s face it if every relationship you have ends the same way, every job hits the same glass ceiling, every friend let’s you down then there comes a point when we realise it can’t just be them because the only common denominator is, well, you.

Ouch.

I’m not saying that everything wrong is all your fault – everyone is doing the best they can with what they know – but maybe it’s worth considering that perhaps you do have something to do with it.

While this may be confronting at first, there comes a moment when accepting and believing this becomes really freeing because it is the source of ultimate personal power.

Let’s face it, I don’t know if you’ve noticed yet but you absolutely cannot change anyone. No matter how hard you try, and even though on the surface they may look like they’ve changed they’ll eventually Spring back to true form.

Sure you can change your external environment, quit your job, leave your relationship, move countries – but wherever you go, your problems will keep repeating until deal with the root cause. It’s like chopping the top off a weed and wondering why it grows back.

The only way to stop them growing back is to deal with the roots of the problem.

If the only thing we can change is ourselves then once we accept that the root of our problems is us then it means we can change permanently, get rid of the issues once and for all.

Then the question becomes not can you, it’s will you.

Can you is easy. Every relationship no matter how toxic it seems right now, can be saved with the right tools and guidance by working through the logical levels of change.

Our relationships, jobs, good, bad and ugly are all just the physical evidence of what is going on inside – our beliefs, values, boundaries, passions, skills and behaviours are all bringing us closer to what we believe to be true about our world, making sure we experience what we expect to see. It has to – otherwise we would think we’re going mad.

External-internal change

The tougher question is if the relationship is worth saving. Because saving the relationship will mean comprise and it’s not compromise with them, as some people would think, it’s compromise within you.

Any new relationship- whether intimate, family, friends, school or work – requires a adjustments to make the relationship work. Sometimes this is easy. There is a feeling that you just click and there is very little compromise needed.

In other relationships there is more of a clunk. Perhaps because you were put together by force not choice. Or perhaps a new addition brings a new dynamic that throws a previously great relationship off balance.

But how low will you go?

Getting rid of a few bad behaviours are considered acceptable and often a bonus of being in a new, healthy relationship. But are you willing to change your values or sacrifice your dream?

Just because you can change, doesn’t mean you should. Just because you should change, doesn’t mean you will.

With each level that must change, the effort required to sustainably change is higher. Because to sustainably change levels below, you are fundamentally changing you and years of deeply ingrained patterns of your thinking that started forming as a baby.

So why would you?

Well, why indeed. The only reason anyone changes any internal level (behaviour to identity) is if they have good reason and these reasons either from the top down, Environment, or bottom up, spiritual purpose – love.

Top down change is pushed by external pressures – time, money, someone said you should, new relationships/jobs etc

Bottom up change is inspired by internal truth – love, mission, identity change (spoiler alert – this is always going to have the strongest pull no matter how hard you try to suppress and ignore it)

If the why is big enough and important enough to you – you’ll change. If not, nobody can ever make you.

Yeah, but should I stay or should I go?

Stay or go

Regardless of who’s to blame, if the situation is bad enough for you to be considering leaving then something must change.

While it’s tempting to take the easy path, taking a few extra moments to work on yourself can turn a painful problem into an opportunity to learn and grow.

Here’s a few simple questions to help you decide which change is worth it. Ask and answer them exactly as they are written – yes, they’re a bit confusing but give it a go and see what comes up.

Cartesian Coordinate Questions (aka The Mind Scramble Test)

  • What WILL happen if I DO leave
  • What WILL happen if I DON’T leave
  • What WON’T happen if I DO leave
  • What WON’T happen if I DON’T leave

Once you’ve answered them all with leave, answer them again with stay and see how your answers change.

Let us know if you need a hand…