People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
The author of this poem is unknown but I am forever grateful for the insights it brought me over the years.
I used to worry that I didn’t have any friends from high school and that the “popular” kids seemed to have such happy lives….. turns out popular doesn’t always mean happy…
Sometimes it’s ok to let people go.
When you go though a test of life, they say that’s when you know who your true friends are. And sometimes the power of great friendships can be diminished simply because of the “where are they now” effect later in life.
But that doesn’t actually mean that the friendship you had wasn’t real, it just may have been meant to be for a reason or a season, not a lifetime.
Reason, Season or Lifetime
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
People will come into your life every day for a reason, season or a lifetime – just make sure you keep open to all friends.
And when you find them, when you feel the connection of a new friendship, embrace it, enjoy it for all the depth and richness it will bring.
But keep in mind that while all friendships are necessary and happening along your journey, the lifetime friends are the ones that seem to matter the most in the ends. They’re the “true friends” everyone tells you about.
They’re the ones that are always there.
They may start as reason or season friends – but they have the power to cross the divide. When you still keep in touch after the season ends…
when you can sustain conversations about more than just the reasons….
then you may have just found yourself a lifetime friend.
They’re the ones who love you for all of you. The good, the bad, the downright ugly. That ask what’s wrong and want to know the answer. They pick you up when you’re down, ground you when you’re flying out of control.
Whatever temptation, whatever distraction, whatever the reason or seasons that come along the way – nothing, not work, not money now short term wins, nothing is worth sacrificing a lifetime friend.
You’ll hurt them, they’ll hurt you and no matter what, it will all be forgiven, water under the bridge because at the end of the day, nothing matters more than the lifetime of love.
Thank you friends.
Fear is the most debilitating of human emotions.
It’s critical for our survival but with that part of your brain on constant surveillance for anything that could be dangerous it can get to a point where the definition of “dangerous” is simply “anything that is different”…
Now this was really useful when our RAS (the bit that filters in what is important to be aware of, and keeps out the rest aka the gatekeeper for your conscious mind) was used to scanning thousands of acres of African Savannah looking for the subtle movement of a sabre tooth tiger, but these days – with less animals waiting to eat you and with more rapid change and new things everywhere it can get a little out of control….
Even that wouldn’t be a problem if the fear part of us was rational and logical because it would make sense that of course things are newer more often because we’re inventing things all the time, but it doesn’t matter that there’s a new technology breakthrough because it’s obviously not life threatening – sabre tooth tigers are extinct now so there’s nothing to worry about….right?
See the modern “advanced” human brain actually has 3 different parts that have evolved over years of mutation under the Darwin principal -survival of the fittest. The newer neocortex areas of our brain allow us to reason and use logic, and are what has given us the ability to create such an range of tools and resources far beyond our needs for pure survival – one of the distinguishing features of human society over most other species.
Unfortunately the newer, analytical parts of our brain operate a little slower than the original “Croc Brain” which is the part responsible for all things survival.
This is the part that is deeply unconscious and controls all the things that if you needed to think about them before you did them would be too late. Like breathing, keeping your heart pumping and – reacting to life threatening danger.
When it comes to reaction speed, emotional instinct trumps logical analysis every time.
See while our brains evolved, our fight or flight response to danger remained the same.
The problem is that sometimes the fear sensor triggers the fight or flight response before we have time to rationalise that the danger isn’t really life threatening. In fact, thanks to our mirror neurones, sometimes we’re in fight or flight before we realise the danger isn’t even real! (Ever had a nightmare?)
When that response goes off, chemicals flood your body, preparing you to run away or punch danger in the face – And When you’re in real mortal danger, this response can save your life (cue Mick Fanning’s shark punch)
Most of the time it’s not a big deal but in times of heightened stress, the RAS kicks into danger hyperdrive and you can find yourself caught in the fight chain of Anger,when the last little thing causes you to lash out at someone either verbally or physically in a way that is a complete overreaction to how logically your response should have been.
Anger is the second core human emotion that we need to survive because it’s the one that defines our boundaries and fuels our strength when those boundaries are crossed. Unfortunately it is stored in a chain, like a string of pearls, and if we don’t deal with them as they come up the chain gets longer until finally the tiniest pearl at the end sends all the anger flying at whoever is closest.
Cue sadness, the third of the fundamentally human emotions that allow our society to function because it is what gives us the compassion to care for others. And with it remorse, regret and asking for forgiveness.
This compassion drives us to want to learn from our mistakes for the good of our loved ones, our community, our world. It drives us to seek the ultimate fulfilment through contribution to the good of others.
But if we’re too afraid to expand what we know to be safe, or say what needs to be said to change what needs to be changed – then we just stay stuck still, a “victim” in tears, waiting for the danger to get us and feeling powerless to stop it.
The more powerless we feel, the more we crave safety, certainty and the less willing we are to leave the familiarity of our comfort zone.
Unfortunately the more you try to keep things the same, the more anything new looks dangerous to your fear sensors.
Your whole body goes on the defensive, high alert, ready to react instantly to the first sign of danger. But when your comfort zone shrinks, that first sign of danger is often nothing more than a look, a tone of voice, an innocent question from a loved one that was never meant with judgement but you feel is an attack on your safety.
So you react with anger, sadness, fear and so the cycle continues.
There is a way to stop unreasonable fear ruling your life though, and the first step is awareness.
Let’s put aside the real dangers In Life for a moment and talk about the threats that trigger the other kind of F.E.A.R. – False Evidence Appearing Real.
If you know and accept that no matter how much you don’t like it, we’re still – and always will be in our lifetime at least – emotional beings, then you can learn to master your emotions rather than wishing they’d go away.
Fear, Anger and Sadness are not something to ignore, suppress or get rid of because they will always come out at some stage – they have to, it’s evolution baby!
While you can’t always take control of your fear response, you can take control of your RAS, or at least what it is searching for, and you must because If you don’t tell it what to look for then everything new is danger.
So when you feel the Fear, Anger or Sadness about to overwhelm you and explode, just STOP.
S- Stop. Just stop whatever your saying or about to say, doing or about to do because the only possible outcome of a fight or flight response is that someone gets hurt. Either someone/thing hurts you first; or you hurt it first – that’s the point. Whether it is physically or emotionally – fighting always hurts. Even flight hurts – it hurts you. So just stop and take the time to…
T- Think – you need time to force your rational brains to kick in and override the danger signal. You need to notice it’s not really life threatening. Take a moment to suspend your emotional response and think that just maybe there is another perspective. Take a moment to put yourself in their shoes and…
O- Open your heart – Love is the only antidote to fear. Love is the opposite side to the coin, they cannot exist at the same time, love will always win out because the core of fear is lack of love. So if you consider that the other person may also be reacting from an emotional space of fear then you can be open enough to hearing both sides of the story. It does not make them right but without being open, the real truth can never be told. And without the real truth, then there can never be a common ground to stand on to start to move forward. For some people, their love for you is not worth moving forward together so you simply need to get to a solid ground for you. But for others, for important relationships this is a must because it is usually these people we take our fear out on the most. They have to safest ground to be tested because you can push further with each other before giving up. Parents, husbands/wives, children, close friends – the stronger the love the stronger the tests it can withstand but there comes a point where the testing must stop. Where you must stop trying to win against them, and truly embrace the common ground to stand together so you both can win against the world. The true danger is out there, not in here, and we’re always stronger together. When you realise that then you can start to look for the…
P- Positives. There is always a silver lining, there is always a positive in every situation because love and light always exists even in the darkness and it is so much more powerful. A single candle can shed more light than a single shadow can shed dark.
If you trust that everything happens for a reason and look for the positives, even in the potential worst case outcome, then it makes starting the thing you’re afraid of easier. If you trust that there is always a way then you will find it together.
But you must consciously look for the positive because your RAS is set to default to negative. Looking for the positive is and always will be a manual override function. Even for the most optimistic person, their default setting is to survive and that means be always on the lookout for danger. Look for love, and practice patience and gratitude as a stepping stone to love.
Remember there is no universal truth and no single common danger. Even the universal truth that the sun will come up tomorrow is not true in many parts of the world.
Our truth is simply that which we believe to be true based on all that we’ve experienced so far, and our RAS will continue to look for evidence to remind us of that truth because that is our safety, our beacon of certainty in an otherwise uncertain world.
All possibilities exist in the world in every moment. Doubt or trust. Lack or abundance. Fear or love.
The more positive universal truths we accept, the more positive our world will be as our RAS uses these as guidance to filter in and out everything else.
So look for love and trust that you are loved. And every time you find someone who loves you, hold onto that truth and never let yourself question it. Look for evidence that makes it true instead.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the decision there is something more important than the fear”
RAS – click here for the science
OK, I’ve held off posting these til now because day 3 is where most New Years Resolutions start to crack.
And with many of us returning back to work today I figure that by tomorrow you’re going to need some extra motivation… or at least a midday distraction….whatever works.
Since the invention of the calendar, many cultures consider the start of a new year to mark a significant milestone in our life. Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts, and early traditions were simply based on a person making a promise to make an act of self improvement or something slightly nice such as opening the door for people.
Our desire to improve, grow and make positive changes in our lives is part of what makes us human, and the Major NY milestones, often referred to in the Psychology world as a temporal landmark acts like an imaginary line in the sand separating the old inferior self from a new and improved version. For some people birthday’s, anniversaries or even the start of a new week or month can have the same effect.
The problem is that even though you make a grand public declaration – the only thing that actually changes is the clock.
Anytime you use an external factor as your source of motivation for change you’re more likely to fail because at best, you will give yourself an elegant excuse to procrastinate – waiting for the calendar to tick over. It’s like expecting the grass to be greener on the other side of the fence, rather than just watering your own grass.
The bigger problem with using an external factor is that most people aren’t ready to change their
habits, particularly bad habits and so they set unrealistic goals on a whim – but unfortunately, our new selves are usually not much better than the old ones.
When you fail to achieve goals or make positive affirmations about yourself that you don’t really believe, the positive affirmations not only don’t work, they can be damaging to your self-esteem.
People wonder why they don’t feel great about themselves… it’s because they live a lie… they make a decision and they don’t act… they kid themselves it didn’t matter… or they tell themselves they’re too busy… But what they didn’t do was take action in the moment of the decision…and then keep taking consistent action til their goals are achieved.
Self worth is an indicator of how much you trust yourself, so every time you make a promise to
yourself and then let you down you like yourself a little less. It’s obvious when you Think about it, how do you feel about people who lie to you? Do you want to be around them? Of course not!
Making resolutions work involves changing behaviors—and in order to change a behavior, you have to change your thinking (or “rewire” your brain).
So, if you’ve already broken a resolution or two, draw an imaginary line in the sand and use the following guidelines to set some resolutions you’ll actually keep in 2016.
- Make bold promises you have no intention of keeping (insert “I’m never drinking again” here)
- Set the exact same resolutions you failed to achieve last year – unless something is different , nothing will be different
- Try to make a complete 180 life change
- Pick a theme, one single priority focus that you use to guide all decisions you make this year eg Family, Adventure, Health, Wealth,
- Make a plan and review it regularly
- Take action every day to move toward your dreams
- Start by committing to foundation habits
Foundation habits – these are the habits that might seem small and insignificant, but are actually the foundation of many other good habits and routines meaning the end up having a massive income on your life.
They’re also incredibly good way of building your muscle of discipline which will make sticking with bigger habits ( like going to the gym…) later
Eg make the bed every morning, floss daily, load the dishwasher every night
Great foundation habits should be short & simple, unaffected by external forces like weather, and happen every day so you can build a routine of discipline. And no matter how much easier it is not to, you must follow through every day!
Need some extra inspiration? Watch my Live Your Dream class to help give you some extra clarity and what this year could hold for you.
As the first sun rises for 2016 it gives new hope that this year will be different, this year will be the one where we follow our dreams, keep our resolutions and live happily ever after.
But the year alone won’t do that. In All the fuss, fireworks and frivolity of NYE, remember nothing changed – unless you do. No problems miraculously went away, no weight miraculously disappeared from your hips and unless you had the winning power ball ticket (which we did not) your bank account is unlikely to look any better today than your head feels.
The stroke of midnight does not in itself Change anything more than the calendar on your wall. But you do still have the chance to choose a fresh start, a different decision and change how You do things differently this year.
This year will probably be filled with as many challenges as last year, maybe even more. How you handle them is what can change.
This year will likely fly by even faster – it is up to you to make the most of the moments in it.
If you do the same things this year as you did last year then don’t kid yourself by expecting different results – you’re only setting yourself up to fail.
If you truly want this year to be different – then change what you’re putting into it. Change your thinking, change your behaviours and your results will have to change.
Whatever action you take today, on January 1st, is the only real commitment you’ve made to yourself to change your year.
If you did nothing new then….maybe do something different tomorrow.
Change is by choice, so this year be the change you want to see in the world and enjoy the journey. Remember, You can’t appreciate the highs til you know the lows, the contrast is where the joy is found.
Quit Smoking in 1 Hour Guaranteed*
- Quit smoking for good through Hypnotherapy
- $250/session – Less than a months worth of Cigarettes!
- Prevention planning against future smoking triggers
- Prevention planning against possible weight gain
- Deeper clearing for trauma triggers available on request
- Guided meditation tools available to help deal resourcefully with stress
- mentoring and accountability available until you have achieved your Aligned Future
Have you tried “everything” to quit smoking?
Are you at your wits end – know you need to but just don’t know how?
What to quit smoking – for good?
With the government making moves to raise the cost of cigarettes to more than $40 a pack there has never been a better time to quit.
Most people have tried to quit smoking many times before they finally succeed. They may even have a few days smoke free but then start again because they haven’t planned for the how they’re going to deal with the triggers that made them smoke in the first place.
There are many aspects to quitting smoking that make it either very difficult or very easy – your Aligned Future Hypnotherapist makes sure these are all factored in to your quit session so you leave smoke free and armed with new ways to handle stress.
If you know it’s time – give us a call.
If your 2016 New Years Resolution is to finally quit and follow through on those New Years Resolutions you’re committed to, our sessions are the perfect helping hand to make sure you succeed this time.
All Aligned Future Hypnotherapy sessions are available by application only. We guarantee that at the end of each session you will be completely smoke free and armed with the tools to be a non smoker for life, but we only accept clients who are truly committed to making the change.
To request an interview please email email@example.com .
Once your application has been received your Aligned Future Coach will guide you through the best tools for your circumstances.
Available Sessions – evening and weekend sessions available. Contact your coach to see if you are suitable for a skype or phone session.
Hypnosis can be an outstanding tool to help release addictions and unhealthy habits that are keeping you stuck.
While coaching and counselling can take time to work through current challenges and plan for the future, hypnosis sessions can easily create immediate and lasting change which makes it perfect for things like quitting smoking.
Your ongoing coaching and counselling sessions can also be supported by our range of guided meditation CDs that both promote relaxation and work to support the changes you’re making and reinforce positive new beliefs and strategies.
As a Master Practitioner and Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Advanced Hypnotherapy, you’re in capable hands.
And in case you’re wondering – no, we wont make you cluck like a chicken… we can, but we wont 🙂
There are many different opinions when it comes to hypnosis but here are some important things to know:
- nobody can hypnotise you, you do that yourself by being ready, willing and able to follow the instructions.
- you should never listen to guided meditations while driving/operating heavy machinery
- you will never do anything under hypnosis that you wont do drunk…. and interestingly, if you’re a person who remembers everything you did drunk, you’ll be more likely to feel “awake” during your hypnosis. Whereas if you tend to forget then you’re more likely to feel like no time has passed during your session.
Npt everybody is suited to hypnosis and as we guarantee immediate results with all our hypnosis sessions these are application only.
Please contact your Aligned Future coach to see if you’re suited, firstname.lastname@example.org
The Mayonnaise Jar
When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
‘Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things – family, children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else –The small stuff.
‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ He continued,
there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children…Take time to get medical checkups…Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal..
‘Take care of the golf balls first — The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. ‘I’m glad you asked’.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’
All human’s have the need for certainty – with safety and security being critical to survival it’s one of those needs that makes us realise we haven’t evolved all that far.
Routines are great to meet our need for certainty – but every now and again make sure you do something differently.
Routines start out well but after awhile they can become comfort zones.
Comfort zones feel great in the beginning, but after awhile everything outside them can incite fear – even something you used to do often.
Nothing in nature ever stays the same for long – it is either green and growing or ripe and rotting, and well oiled routines are often a point of ripeness in our lives.
It doesn’t mean throw everything up in the air and start again, but just occasionally do something that makes you a little uncomfortable just to remind yourself that you still can!
If you always drive, take a train or walk instead.
If you’re always with others, make time to go out for a meal by yourself.
If you always rush, take time to move slowly, look up and appreciate the view.
These are the moments that remind us to be grateful that we are lucky enough to be comfortable.
What can you do today to shake things up?
Great success does not happen because you decided to try one day.
It does not happen because you really hoped it would.
It does not happen because you had a burst of enthusiasm and a moment of massive action – then spat the dummy and walked away when the results didn’t show up right away.
Great success comes when you lean in when everyone else is stepping out.
It comes with you keep showing up with the same passion, determination and grit – even when the results haven’t shown up yet.
It’s the sum of small decisions, consistent actions repeated every single day that move you in the direction of your dreams.
Most people need to see evidence of their effort being rewarded before they’ll continue making the effort.
They look to the external and start worrying about what they don’t have instead of staying clear on what they want.
They bring it for a day or two then drop their standards because nobody is looking and nobody else is bringing it so why should they?
The only secret to success is to show up longer than the things trying to defeat you.
Successful people know that the darkest moments are simply the test to ensure they’re really ready to handle the incredible rewards that are just about to follow.
The rest is just the scenery.
Choice is everything in life.
Choice has the power to turn the good into bad, or the bad into good.
Choice keeps you on a spiral of CANI (Constant and neverending Improvement) or CANDisappointment.
Choice let’s you notice love and truth or fear and doubt.
Choice gives you the ability to create the reality of your nightmares or the world of your dreams?
To see only the grey clouds or the beauty in the rainbow.
To recite what you’ve remembered, or to apply what you have learned to really live your life.
To turn average into good, good into great, great into outstanding.
To complain that you cant, or find a way to prove you can.
To choose to live a great life is your choice – not anybody else’s.
Choice is everything. Choose wisely.